How I feel today...

Today's Quote

The trick is in what one emphasizes.
We either make ourselves miserable,
or we make ourselves strong.
The amount of work is the same.

Carlos Castaneda, 1925-1998
Peruvian-born Author

Thanks to the Circle of Grey for posting this quote. You are such a wonderful group! xoxoxo

A Poem

"From Friend to Friend" by Karen Clouston

You're giving me a special gift, so sorrowfully endowed,
And through these last few cherished days, your courage makes me proud.
But really, love is knowing when your best friend is in pain,
And understanding earthly acts will only be in vain.

So looking deep into your eyes, beyond into your soul,
I see in you the magic that will once more make me whole.

The strength that you possess is why I look to you today,
To do this thing that must be done, for it's the only way.

That strength is why I've followed you and chose you as my friend,
And why I've loved you all these years...my partner till the end.

Please understand just what this gift you're giving means to me,
It gives me back the strength I've lost and all my dignity.

You take a stand on my behalf, for that is what friends do,
And know that what you do is right. For I believe it too.

So one last time I breathe your scent and through your hand I feel,
The courage that's within you to now grant me this appeal.

Cut the leash that holds me here, dear friend and let me run,
Once more a strong and steady dog, my pain and struggle done.

And don't despair my passing, for I won't be far away,
Forever here within your heart and memory I'll stay.

I'll be watching over you, your ever faithful friend,
And in your memories I'll run, a young dog once again.

        In Loving Memory of Lucy Sue, my beautiful Red Fawn Greyhound April 16th  2001 - March 27th 2008 Cancer Sucks.

A Prayer

Hear our humble prayer, O God for our friends the animals and especially for animals who are suffering, for any that are hunted or lost or deserted or frightened or hungry; for all that must be put to death. We entreat for them all thy mercy and pity, and for those who deal with them we ask a heart and compassion and gentle hands and kindly words. Make us, ourselves, to be true friends to animals and to share the blessing of the merciful. - Albert Schweitzer



One of the hardest days of my life is coming, but I need to do it for her. I'll be signing off for a few days.

Black Monday.

That's how I feel today. Black, Moody, bitchy, and lets add a little pissed off. Seriously. Pissed off enough to let Maxie have a go at some one if he feels like it pissy. All over a little Red Fawn Greyhound. Pisses me off the darn cute dog made me go and love her to pieces. She is truly my heart dog. Don't get me wrong, I love and loved all my animals, but my Lucy is special to me. She's my little girl. My sunshine. My confidante. My heart. She has helped through some interesting times in my life. She was my Ray of Hope when my Grandfather died. I became obsessed with owning a retired racing greyhound after he passed. Life was short - why was I wasting it "waiting" for the right time to adopt a dog? Good thing it took so long for the adoption process, because I needed to take some time to get ready for my first dog as an adult. One where all the decisions are mine, and not my parents. I was so eager to get to make those decisions, researching and researching greyhounds. The one thing they don't tell you how to research is when you hear, "Are you prepared for the worst today?" from your vet. Dammit if my stomach didn't hit the floor today. Dammit if my eyes are tears up writing this; thinking if I tell the world, I'll feel better. Well instant discovery - I don't. Am I prepared for the worst?. Screw you. I came here looking for answers. I want to know why her leg is swelled up, why is her hock swollen and purple? Why is her foot twice the size it should be? Why??? This started on Saturday (hock, leg & foot), why is it so fast and sudden? I'm here for answers and pain relief. Please don't tell me am I prepared for the f*cking worst? Good news = Not Bone Cancer. Vet told me point blank if it was; we were ending her suffering today. Thank God the X Ray is clean for that. Thank you Thank You Thank You. At least the X Ray shows no arthritis either. It does show a large mass at her hip. (Vet assumes a fleshy tumor) We received a cortisone shot and some pills to take home for the swelling. Oh and I'm feeling pissed off and sad and $165 poorer. I love my dog I love my dog...LOL The vet also thinks she is at the end stage of some sort of cancer. She is down to 55 scrawny pounds. She's eating like mad, (when I add yogurt to her food) and he's very surprised she has an appetite. I believe Lucy has stumped the vet this time for sure. I was told to bring her in to end the suffering when her appetite is gone and she can not get up/down anymore. At the same time I'm pretty much praying that he is wrong, (30 years experience - I have doubts but there is always an exception) and that in a few weeks she'll feel better. A girl can hope eh?