Black Monday.

That's how I feel today. Black, Moody, bitchy, and lets add a little pissed off. Seriously. Pissed off enough to let Maxie have a go at some one if he feels like it pissy. All over a little Red Fawn Greyhound. Pisses me off the darn cute dog made me go and love her to pieces. She is truly my heart dog. Don't get me wrong, I love and loved all my animals, but my Lucy is special to me. She's my little girl. My sunshine. My confidante. My heart. She has helped through some interesting times in my life. She was my Ray of Hope when my Grandfather died. I became obsessed with owning a retired racing greyhound after he passed. Life was short - why was I wasting it "waiting" for the right time to adopt a dog? Good thing it took so long for the adoption process, because I needed to take some time to get ready for my first dog as an adult. One where all the decisions are mine, and not my parents. I was so eager to get to make those decisions, researching and researching greyhounds. The one thing they don't tell you how to research is when you hear, "Are you prepared for the worst today?" from your vet. Dammit if my stomach didn't hit the floor today. Dammit if my eyes are tears up writing this; thinking if I tell the world, I'll feel better. Well instant discovery - I don't. Am I prepared for the worst?. Screw you. I came here looking for answers. I want to know why her leg is swelled up, why is her hock swollen and purple? Why is her foot twice the size it should be? Why??? This started on Saturday (hock, leg & foot), why is it so fast and sudden? I'm here for answers and pain relief. Please don't tell me am I prepared for the f*cking worst? Good news = Not Bone Cancer. Vet told me point blank if it was; we were ending her suffering today. Thank God the X Ray is clean for that. Thank you Thank You Thank You. At least the X Ray shows no arthritis either. It does show a large mass at her hip. (Vet assumes a fleshy tumor) We received a cortisone shot and some pills to take home for the swelling. Oh and I'm feeling pissed off and sad and $165 poorer. I love my dog I love my dog...LOL The vet also thinks she is at the end stage of some sort of cancer. She is down to 55 scrawny pounds. She's eating like mad, (when I add yogurt to her food) and he's very surprised she has an appetite. I believe Lucy has stumped the vet this time for sure. I was told to bring her in to end the suffering when her appetite is gone and she can not get up/down anymore. At the same time I'm pretty much praying that he is wrong, (30 years experience - I have doubts but there is always an exception) and that in a few weeks she'll feel better. A girl can hope eh?